Follow Friday: 1000 Reasons I’m a Crap Mom

I’m a good mom. Except when I’m not. Ofthesea at “1000 reasons I’m a Crap Mom” understands.

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Follow Fridays are when we at the Mom Food Project stop focusing on ourselves for a day and turn our focus to other people in the world who are feeding their loved ones and writing about it. Know of someone we should spotlight? Let us know!

1000 reasons banner
Photos courtesy of Ofthesea of 1000 Reasons I'm a Crap Mom

I came to parenting from an odd direction. I’ve never given birth, but that’s my kid sitting next to me, holding my hand, rocking herself to sleep while her body fights off what appears to be a kidney infection. “I love you, Aunt San,” she says, as she drifts off. And I love her, too, as much as anyone ever loved anyone. I didn’t give birth to her, but throughout her life, there have been long stretches when I was her primary parental figure, and for the past two-plus years, she’s been mine for real and forever.

Being a parent in fits and starts the way I have has a tendency to create gaps in one’s knowledge of the child. I remember feeling like I must be the worst parent in the world because I didn’t know she’d broken her ankle at one point while she wasn’t living with me. And often, I second-guess myself for not grabbing her and her brother and whisking them away from their birth parents, who would fail any licensing test for parenting, if anyone ever created such a test. I am so good at thinking up reasons why I’m a crappy parent. And you know, sometimes, I am a crappy parent—sometimes every parent is.

I feed her, clothe her, treat her with respect, and do my very best to show her unconditional love. And then sometimes I belittle her, or yell at her, or minimize her concerns, and immediately, in my own mind, I’m the worst parent who ever lived. The only way to keep from drowning under that shame is to get some perspective and try to laugh at myself.

Ofthesea at “1000 reasons I’m a Crap Mom” helps with that. For one thing, she obviously knows how easy it is to sink into the hole of self-doubt where parenting is concerned. For another, she obviously knows it’s baloney. We love our kids, and are good parents, but we just gotta laugh at our moments of crapitude. I love this blog so much that lately, when a website asks what my favorite mom blog is, this is the one I choose.

You should totally check it out.

Here are just a couple of the Reasons. Many more Reasons, and many more laughs, await you at 1000 Reasons I’m a Crap Mom.

Reason #86:  She wants to put her baby in a psycho military orphanage!

deprived of freedom
She wants to put her kid in a psycho military orphanage!

I can’t wait to get rid of my adorable baby boy, and to that effect I will ship him off to a psycho military orphanage.

For those who may not know, a psycho military orphanage is a military boarding school for orphans which is run by psychos.

That much is obvious.

What is far less obvious is how my mother jumped to the conclusion that I can’t wait to ship C to one of these worthy institutions to be imprisoned and mistreated.

It started like this…

Reason #15:  She’d rather read than look at THIS!

baby picture
She'd rather read than look at this face!

Mother: “No, I mean it, LOOK AT HIM. You’d rather read than watch your wonderful son!”

Mom Food isn’t just about the food. Okay, it’s mostly about the food. But it’s also about remembering the love that exists between imperfect parents and their imperfect children. Thanks, Ofthesea, for reminding us about that.

You can see more Follow Friday posts here.

I know my kids have never used the old microphone that NBA Jerseys Cheap Yahoo Messenger uses to represent “Voice Call” because I raised them, and therefore can safely say than none of them are news anchors from the 1950s. But it won’t be long before the vast majority of the people using those programs have never used a phone or mic like that, or even seen one in person. It doesn’t take a genius to know that those are just outdated and obsolete versions of modern phones and mics, and you might even recognize them from any movie filmed before 1995, but other concepts might be harder to grasp.Mystery beer question 36 is all about an American style light beer. Over the past eleven years, this light beer has won eight medals at various prestigious beer competitions. Most recently this light cheap football jerseys beer won the gold award in the American Style light lager category at the 2008 World Beer Cup. In addition this particular light beer won the gold medal for three consecutive years from 2005 thru 2007 inclusive, in the same beer category at cheap jerseys from china the Great American Beer Festival. This light beer is truly “Beer Baratas Replicas Ray Ban Built Right”. What is the name of this great tasting mystery light beer? (The correct answer is Old Milwaukee Light beer)People are still driving home from work to play their video games or not even going to work at all to play their games. Sometimes, they’re even playing them on their mobile phones while driving home to play them on their TVs! One thing is certain, video gaming is a strong trend right now despite these tumultuous times. The average player is playing around 2.5 hours a day these days and I look for that number to increase as the games become more engaging with VR coming soon.Yep, Johnny Knoxville’s magnum opus is what I point to when people ask about models for dwarf tolerance. Sure, maybe they’re running around in cheap jerseys ray bans sale diapers or belly flopping onto alligators or doing some other stupid shit but they treat Wee Man as an equal. He’s one of them. He has to do embarrassing stuff, but so does everyone else. He may have a dumb nickname, but he’s not their little mascot, out there killing himself while Knoxville and Steve O sit back and cheap oakleys sip beer and laugh at the poor people.None of the protestant politicians were killed, but the plan wasn’t a complete failure. King James admitted in a speech that not all Catholics were as crazy as the ones arrested in connection with the plot, which is good, because a lot of historians have suggested that if the plot succeeded, there would have been a very violent backlash against Catholic communities. Plus, England now celebrates Guy Fawkes night every November 5th.
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Author: Serene

I run The Mom Food Project, which was born out of love for my mom and a desire to preserve the recipes of my childhood, which didn't actually exist in written form until I quizzed my mom and wrote the recipes down.

4 thoughts on “Follow Friday: 1000 Reasons I’m a Crap Mom”

  1. This looks *really* good, Serene! Thanks – I’m always endlessly grateful for funny-good blog shout-outs.

    How is the kid? Kidney infection? That sounds rough…

    Lots of love and healing vibes your way

    1. She’s much better, thanks! She’s doctor-phobic, so she waits for things to go away on their own. That’s gonna get her in trouble one day.

  2. What an honour to be featured here! Especially since all I do is drool at the recipes but hardly ever cook myself.

    You are an outstanding mom, and I wish you the best on that hopefully-not-really-a-kidney-infection! Drinking gallons of cranberry juice already?

    1. She is, thanks. And she’s much better. Me, I’d prefer it if she went to the doc and found out what was wrong, but when she turned 18, I decided to give those decisions over to her. It’s hard! And hey, that face is proof you feed the kid, so you’re a Mom Foodie through and through. :-)

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