Goopy is the goal. I know, it’s gross, but the chicken turns out really well, I promise!
Okay, vegetarians, because I love you (hell, I WAS you), I’m gonna put the not-gross photo first, along with a warning: The rest of the photos in this post are, well, kinda gross, and not just because they show my messy kitchen. You probably won’t like them. My feelings won’t be hurt if you move on to something else—say, a list of all our vegetarian dishes. So here you go, the least offensive of the photos to come: The Stand
I don’t remember when my mom started using The Stand, but I think it was some time in my early teens. I know it was after we moved to California when I was almost twelve, and that she didn’t use The Stand before then. I also don’t think I’ve seen her roast a chicken without The Stand in at least twenty years. The Stand is just the way mom does chicken now. She gets the gadgets for a dollar apiece at yard sales, so she buys new ones all the time, and gives them to me from time to time, so the one in that picture’s only been used once, I think.
The other weird thing about The Stand is really the part that makes it kind of gross, but bear with me here, please. All will be illuminated.
Here’s a photo of a fresh chicken on the stand. Normal enough so far, right?
And here’s the weird, gross part. I feel a deep urge to promise you it will all be okay. Mom’s method of cooking chicken on The Stand is to put the chicken on The Stand, then slather it with whichever salad dressing is in the refrigerator needing to be used up. Maybe the dressing is near its date, or maybe it’s just a flavor people don’t like that much. Either way, salad dressing is the first choice. If there’s no salad dressing in her fridge, a rare occurrence, she’ll use anything — salsa, preserves, anything goopy. Because I’m afraid “goopy” is the goal. See?
Yes, this looks gross. The only way it could be grosser is if I told you which dressing it is. And really, I understand why someone would hate the idea of smearing old salad dressing on a chicken. But it works; it really does. The chicken comes out like this, when you roast it at 350F until the juices run clear, around an hour or so:
If your family is like my kid, they will compliment you on your “barbecue sauce” every single time, and they don’t have to be any the wiser. Unless you do something silly like post it on a public blog, of course, but who would be that dumb?
I couldn’t get a picture that would really show the juiciness to its best advantage, but I tried—even the breast comes out moist, tender, and flavorful, and that’s saying a lot when you’re me, really not a fan of poultry.
Give it a try. If you have to, close your eyes during the goopy part.
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